


I'm Only a Fool for You

by vmprsm



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Hux as a black hole, Kylo as a galaxy, M/M, Pre-TFA, Sad, Short One Shot, i swear not everything i write is this sad, im going with the exes-by-tfa idea, psychopath!Hux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 14:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6119458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vmprsm/pseuds/vmprsm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The stardust that made Brendol Hux II could have been the same stuff that made that awesome chasm, swallowing the light.</p>
<p>(One night, Kylo asks why.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Only a Fool for You

He stared out the window, a rare privilege in this world of metal and tubing. The view was dark, the wide expanse of space stretching forward and away, the whole of the universe surrounding everything. Interspersed, so much nothingness and distance, and between, planets and stars. Black holes, greedy and yawning. Sometimes, he was sure he was a black hole, always looking for more. Taking and taking, never giving back. Taking fame, taking lives, taking status, taking hearts. He knew what he took was sometimes unintentional. Once it was in the hole it was gone, and he couldn't bring himself to be concerned. 

If all energy was equal, maybe he had been a black hole, once. The stardust that made Brendol Hux II could have been the same stuff that made that awesome chasm, swallowing the light. He was sure there was no light in him now.

It took no small effort to tear his eyes from the image of space, casting them like a net back into the darkened room. He caught the same images. The rumpled bedsheets, pillows cast to the floor in a fevered rush. The books, spines ranging from new to tattered, stacked on a small shelf on the opposite wall. The pad on his desk, notification light blinking in a slow array of colors. He had been gone too long. But there was still tasks to be completed here. He dragged in the net, taking in more: his clothes, tangled in a heap with darker, rougher fabrics. The glass of water on the desk, half empty, from when he’d taken likely too many painkillers. It didn’t matter, as long as he didn’t have to feel it. He finally let his eyes drag up the bed, and the figure sat in the middle.

Slumped, like a puppet without strings. Hux knew the strings controlling the man would tighten up again soon enough. But would he snap from the tension? Hands, curled limp between the legs that he sat on, head bent and dark hair cascaded around, obscuring any view of his boyish face. His body was a modest tapestry of scars and healed burns and moles and freckles, and expanse of space in his own right. If the General was a black hole, he was his own galaxy.

“Why, Hux.” said Kylo, without inflection.

The words pushed Hux out of the back of his mind and into the present. He had been in this situation before, but never with someone so…

Well, there really were no words to accurately describe the tornado of a person that was Kylo Ren. He was too complex, burning too brightly and quickly in a world that could never be enough. It didn’t matter, how much he reveled in his beauty. Hux would eat that light, as he had all others. Whether he wanted to or not.

“Why, what, Kylo?” asked Hux, shifting his weight to lean against the doorframe to the bathroom, arms crossed loosely over his naked chest. The room behind him was dark as a cave, throwing his sharp features into the illusion of high relief, giving his face an almost emaciated look.

And how Kylo was the opposite, as he lifted his head. The gentle glow from the ship’s lights outside filtered in, softening his strong nose and sunken sockets, blurring out the bruised looking skin around his eyes and the well-bitten red of his lips. He was softened to an almost cherubic glow, this man who was normally so violent, who drove down enemy and ally alike without thought. Kylo’s fingers curled into the sheet below him, and Hux held his breath to preserve the moment.

“Why do I love you?” From Kylo’s mouth the words fell, their landing not made gentle by the sheets or the wide expanse of his thighs. They did not reach Hux. Nothing did. He heard them, but to parse their meaning was beyond him, something he could never grasp or hope to understand. 

Memories came without being called, their first meeting. Kylo, Lord Ren at that time, stepping off the transport ship, every inch a dark predator, prowling towards Hux. He was not afraid of him, no, but he was curious. Who was underneath that mask, that Snoke could so deeply covet? Was he a monster, or a fallen angel? 

Looking at Kylo now, it was obvious which of the two he was, truly. Though he may try to cover his wings, Kylo belonged in the grace of the gods. He was a gorgeous figure, born of both old hatred and love. He did not belong in heaven, no, if such a plane existed alongside the vast expanse of space, nor hell. He was a child of duality and for that he was perfect. To want to covet Kylo was to want to breathe. 

They had reached this point through the negligence of Hux and the unconscious desire of Kylo. He was always thirsting, wanting to be loved and pushing it away. Wanting praise but never believing he was enough. Hux knew that Kylo was enough for anyone but him. There was nothing here for the knight, nothing but a gaping hole he could fall in and while Hux had no qualms about breaking him, it would cost him more in the long run than the satisfaction of success would bring. 

He wasn’t sure when their angry quips and late night meetings had turned into true affection for Kylo. Hux wasn’t nice. He never was. He could pretend, easily, but he had built a persona as close to his true nature as possible, and fit easily into a military world. This world of glass and metal and tubing was made for him, a monstrous black hole waiting to rise his way to the top before he consumed it all. Kylo didn’t belong here. 

He refocused to see Kylo shift, moving a hand to wipe at his eyes though there were no tears there. How strange, to hurt so much that you couldn’t even cry about it. He stared at Hux, his doe eyes trying to dig into him, find what he was looking for. He had to know he wouldn’t find it.

Hux could never love him. And Kylo would never understand. 

“I don’t know.” replied Hux, empty.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had a conversation (the actual words) like this one. It was hard. I don't think canon Hux is a psychopath, but it's interesting. I unconsciously wrote the black hole thing from a post I saw, til I remembered and then I wrote it consciously. I'll link if I can find it.   
> Also, since you don't get a Kylo POV here and I won't write one, listen to this song instead: idfc by blackbear https://youtu.be/LmWBphAf72g


End file.
